Love Dare Day 9

Greetings and salutations!!! Silly, I know, but today is all about greetings and impressions. Here is the dare for today: THINK OF A SPECIFIC WAY THAT YOU WOULD LIKE TO GREET YOUR SPOUSE TODAY. DO IT WITH A SMILE AND ENTHUSIASM. THEN DETERMINE TO CHANGE YOUR GREETING TO REFLECT YOUR LOVE FOR THEM. So I thought to myself "no problem!" And I also thought "is this gonna get any harder cause so far it hasn't really been all THAT hard". When will I learn to just shut-up?? Keep my thoughts quiet??

It started this morning when loving husband woke me up at 5:55am to tell me he was leaving and I needed to get up so I wouldn't fall back asleep. This is the most hated part of my relationship with Frank. See, if I have failed to mention, he is a morning person... I am NOT! Maybe if he didn't sound so stinking cheerful at that time of the morning it might go over better. Since I already knew what the dare for the day was gonna be, I intentionally made sure my tone was nice when I said to bug off. No, just kidding. I didn't say that. I thought it, but I didn't say it! I told him thank you and I would be up in a few minutes and not to worry. Did you hear that?? I said "thank you" at 5:55am!!! Miracles never cease :)

I went about my day and as the time drew closer for Frank to get home, again I had the fleeting thought of this dare stuff getting harder. Frank came home and let's just say it was obvious that he was NOT in a good mood. Bad day at work. He confirmed his bad day at work with his bad attitude towards me and his snippy tone of voice. Sadly, I did not find that HDT in time. I didn't really say anything ugly, but my tone wasn't very nice. So, same thing. However, this time I did catch myself a lot sooner. And, I just shut my mouth. Normally, I would just keep going until it escalated into something completely ridiculous. (shocking I know) But this time I didn't.

Something amazing happened. Within a very few minutes, Frank came to me and said he was sorry! I couldn't believe it! Most of the time, he would just act like it never happened. I would then huff and puff for the rest of the evening until such time I could no longer stand it. I would then proceed to bring everything back up PLUS some more that I felt didn't get resolved the last time... or the time before that. But this time, HE nipped it in the bud so to speak. When before, I really needed him to gravel when he said he was sorry, and most of the time that wasn't enough; this time, it didn't really take anything for me to be over it. It did make me stop and think about how often I make my attitude dependant on his. Sad. I know. But I bet a lot of us do that. Over the past week, Frank has been great. So things haven't seemed that hard where the dare is concerned. But the ONE time that Frank had a bad day and attitude to match, I failed. It got harder, and I failed. I chose to respond in an unloving way. Regardless of his attitude and how he was treating me in the moment. At least I shut my mouth quicker than I normally would.

I don't know if it was him or if it was me getting better or maybe even a combination of the two, but over the last several weeks, I have been studying about forgiveness. And our lack of it.. Whereas before, I needed to have Frank apologize and I needed to see that he was in fact really sorry BEFORE I would offer forgiveness, now I realize that was in fact probably a lot of the problem. See, Jesus never intended for it to work that way. I don't give forgiveness because the other person deserves it. I should especially extend forgiveness when they don't. Our relationships are not supposed to be based on what we deserve. More times than not... they are.

We often times don't think about the way we greet each other as being very important. In fact, I bet most of us don't really give it much thought at all. The tone we have first thing in the morning, the look on our face when we are speaking to each other, even the way we speak to each other on the phone.

When someone makes you feel like they are glad to see you or glad to be around you, your sense of self worth increases. It makes you feel valued and important. Too often I am distracted when Frank comes home. I don't make eye contact. I'm shouting "Hey!" over the noise of the CIRCUS people. What is my priority?? I want Frank to feel important and valued in the same way that I want to feel that.

It starts with a simple greeting. It's about making an effort, really. Whether in person or on the phone, I need to reflect that I am glad to see/hear him. And even though I may not have greeted him the way I really wanted to this morning *wink wink*, I know that part of my showing love is to love him in the greeting.

So, say good morning with a smile...

Pumpkin Patch

Today was our Thursday playgroup and we met at our local Melon Patch!  It was cool this morning when we left, but by the time we went on the hayride, it was 90 degrees!!!  We were sweating!!!  Good thing I had put the kids in short sleeves!  Here are some pictures from our pumpkin trip.  I had a hard time getting Mallory to smile today.  She was too distracted by all the stuff going on around her!

Love Dare Day 8

While Frank and I were dating, I was a very jealous person. I don't know if it was because I was insecure ( I know, hard to believe that word and I go together!), or what, but I was very jealous. I was convinced that every girl that looked at him wanted him and I was ready and willing to claw their eyeballs out! It was not a very attractive quality I admit. Through the years, I don't know if I have just gotten tired, or wised up to the fact that HEY he chose me and he loves me and CHILL OUT ASHLEY! But, thankfully I am not like that anymore, most of the time. Unless some woman gives him the eye, in which case I can still attack the eyeballs...

The root word for jealousy actually means "to burn with an intense fire". And it is a mighty strong emotion. And it is rooted in selfishness. (I am beginning to see a pattern here with this word...) It is a common struggle that many of us share. When someone gets the promotion that you wanted, or the bigger house, or the car, or has the kids that don't ever seem to misbehave or get in trouble. Or our friend has success in having babies while it is a struggle for you. Or our husband excels at work, while we sit at home wiping noses and bottoms! Maybe it's jealousy over someone elses spiritual walk. They always seem to know more verses or have all the "right" answers in Bible Study.

If we don't learn to let love replace our feelings of anger (which is what jealousy will quickly turn into along with resentment), our relationships will be destroyed. James 3:16, 4:1-2 tells us that envy leads to fighting, arguing, AND EVERY EVIL THING...

When we get married, we are to become our spouses very own fan club. I am supposed to be the captain of his cheer leading squad! Instead, what often happens is we allow envy and jealousy to take root in place of complimenting his successes and genuinely being glad for his accomplishments.

There was a time when I allowed myself to have a pity party. A big one. Frank was going out in the world and being successful at what he did. He served in different areas of ministry in the church and served on various boards and committees in the community. I stayed at home. Period. All of my kids were small and all nappers and went to bed early (thank goodness they still do!) I felt like I didn't have an opportunity to do anything. I couldn't be a part of any ministry or a part of anything that made any kind of difference in the community. Poor Ashley. I began to be jealous of the things that Frank got to do and the people that he got to meet and the time he got to spend with other adults... without wiping their noses or various other things... I began to resent the areas of ministry that he served in. And it was reflected in my attitude.

Since genuine love is NOT selfish and it always puts others first, it refuses to let jealousy take root in its heart. Love causes us to be glad and celebrate our spouses success, instead of becoming resentful.

We have to let love and humility and GRATEFULNESS eliminate any jealousy in our hearts. We have to let our accomplishments draw us closer to each other and use them as opportunities to show true love to one another.

Today, I was supposed to DETERMINE IN YOUR HEART TO BE YOUR SPOUSES BIGGEST FAN AND TO REJECT ANY THOUGHTS OF JEALOUSY. TAKE YESTERDAYS NEGATIVE LIST AND BURN IT. THEN SHARE HOW GLAD YOU ARE ABOUT A SUCCESS THAT YOUR SPOUSE RECENTLY ENJOYED.

I am Frank's biggest fan. I do a poor job of showing it sometimes. I let "life" get in the way. I don't have the problem with jealousy that I used to. But I certainly need to do a better job of praising Frank's successes and telling him how proud of him I am, not just to "puff him up", but because I love him and want to share in those experiences with him.

We talked tonight about Frank's success at the bank. My husband and one of his very good friends started a bank from the ground up. It has been opened for 3 years now. And he has worked very, very hard. I am so proud of him. He is a well respected businessman in the community. I just need to show him how respected he is at home.

Can I Borrow Your Razor?

The Tattletale or The Informer

Mallory while I was on the phone!

I do watch my kids!!!
Enough said!!!!

Love Dare Day 7

I thought that today's dare was gonna be pretty easy. GET OUT TWO SHEETS OF PAPER. ON THE FIRST ONE SPEND A FEW MINUTES WRITING OUT POSITIVE THINGS ABOUT YOUR SPOUSE. ON THE SECOND ONE WRITE THE NEGATIVE THINGS. PUT THE PAPERS AWAY FOR ANOTHER TIME. TAKE ONE OF THE POSITIVE THINGS AND TELL YOUR SPOUSE THANK YOU FOR IT BEFORE THE END OF THE DAY.

So, I got out my paper and started with the positive list first. I didn't have to think long and hard. It was easy. And the list kept getting longer and longer. What I found about this part was that I had forgotten a lot of the things that I love about him, things that drew me to him in the first place. Like his contagious laughter. I love it. I don't even have to know what he is laughing about to laugh with him. And I especially love it when whatever he is laughing at is sooo funny that he just can't stop laughing. I seriously have laughed until I cried and had NO idea why I was laughing. I love the fact that even though he doesn't "get" my love of horses, he still lets me have them. And he gives of his time so that I can go ride. Not to mention, that since I don't bring in any cash, he pays for them and their "stuff".

Time to start list #2. I thought that I would have NO problem with this list at all. And I thought that it would end up being longer than the first list. But, I guess I had spent so much time thinking and dwelling on all the good things that I had a harder time than I thought I would. Now, don't kid yourselves. I still had a list. It just wasn't as long as I anticipated.

That is what typically happens in our marriages. In the beginning of the relationship, even before we get married, we spend a LOT, a lot of time thinking about all the good things our partner brings to the relationship and all of the things that we love about them and make us happy. So much so, that we can't even see all of the things that would normally make us crazy in other people. Those irritations even seem endearing to us... for a while.

But then we get married, and have to start paying bills together and sharing our "stuff" and making compromises we didn't have to make before. Add some kids and in-laws and real life responsibilities and after some time... we don't think about all of those things so much. Our minds are too full of other things. And those irritations that were once endearing, they are now just irritations.

We have to understand that dwelling on these aspects of our spouse will kill our marriages. The more time we spend thinking on these things the more time our heart devalues our spouse. With every passing second, you care less and less about them.

Even if all of the negative things that you and I think are true... so are the positive. And we are all human and fail and make mistakes, big and small. We have a tendency to "downplay" our own faults and failures and put our spouses under a magnifying glass. I do it every day.

The bottom line is that love knows about all of the negative things about our spouse. It doesn't walk around like those things don't exist. Love just chooses not to dwell on them. You have to make a CHOICE not to dwell on those things. It will suck the life and joy right out of your relationship.

Love chooses to believe the best about people. It gives them the benefit of the doubt. It refuses to fill the unknown with negative ASSUMPTIONS!!! And when our worst hopes are proven to be true, love makes every effort to deal with them and MOVE FORWARD!

It's time I change my way of thinking... how about you?

Love Dare Day 6

Do you ever get irritable?  If I am honest, yes, I do.  Probably more often than I would like to admit.  I get irritable about a lot of things.  And in reality, most of them don't really matter.

Are you ever easily offended?  For me, it really does take a lot for me to get offended.  I always try to remember that sometimes people really do just have a bad day and it could just as easily be me instead of them.

The Bible tells us that love is not easily offended.  And it is quick to forgive.  I know that I can hold onto a grudge.  But love says I need to let it go!!  Regardless, of why I am offended.

To be irritable means "to be near the point of a knife".  Not far from being poked.  People who are irritable are locked, loaded, and ready to overreact.  Wow!  Ready to overreact....  When I think back to some of the more recent times I have overreacted (I know, it's hard to believe I could do that!), I have been sitting on go, waiting for the opportunity to explode.  It starts off as something small.  Then something else gets added.  Then they both grow as I feed them by thinking about them and playing out situations in my head.  By the time Frank walks in the door and does some "little" thing... it isn't little anymore.

But, love doesn't get angry or hurt unless there is a just reason in God's eyes.  Not our own.  Love doesn't base it on what we are feeling.  Minor problems do not yield major reactions with love!!!  How about you?  Are you a "major reactor"?

We become irritable for 2 reasons.  One of which is stress.  And none of us has any of that right?  Stress comes in many forms. Overworking (this means at home too!), overspending, poor nutrition, lack of exercise, ARGUING, ect.  Sometimes, we bring stress on ourselves, and this in itself makes us irritable.  The Word is there to help us manage these stresses.  Most of the time, I try to fix them myself first.  What does this cause?  More stress.  Because I can't fix anything on my own. 

We are to let love lead us in relationships so that we won't be caught up in unnecessary arguments (Col. 3:12-14).  We are to pray about the things that worry us and cause us to be anxious INSTEAD of trying to fix them on our own (Phil. 4:6-7).  

Another thing that causes us to be irritable is selfishness. (There.is.that.word. again!!)  When you're irritable, the heart of the problem is primarily a problem of the heart!  Matt. 12:34 tells us that whatever is in the heart comes out of the mouth!  Man, if I am irritable, then the problem is with me!!!  Not a fun pill to swallow.

Today, my dare was to REACT TO TOUGH CIRCUMSTANCES IN YOUR MARRIAGE IN LOVING WAYS INSTEAD OF WITH IRRITATION.

I knew that I would have several opportunities, seeing as that we were going on a "family outing" today.  Most of my irritation stems from either Frank overreacting at the kids or under-reacting at the kids.  I have the perfect balance... so should he. (J/K)  Lord, help him.  He can't win for loosing!  And, the bottom line is that I won some today and I lost some today.  I find myself more and more thinking about my reactions after the fact.  Which I guess is better than not thinking about them at all, but no where close to where I want to be.

I did choose more today to take  a deep breath before I said something and I didn't always choose to say something.  But when I felt I should, I said it in a nicer way, most of the time.  I only had to apologize a couple of times. ( Gheez, this being honest is not making me look that great!)  But, I am learning just like the rest of you and my PRIORITY is my marriage and making it all that God designed it to be!

A Family Day

So today, since the kids were all out of school, AND Frank was off from work, we decided to take the kids out to the Tyson Steele plant about 30 min from where we live.  Mr Tyson is a member of our church and an avid safari/anything hunter.  He brings back what he has hunted (that was my nice way of saying "killed") and has them stuffed.  Every Christmas, Mr. Tyson hosts the deacons/wives Christmas dinner out at the plant.

  The first year I was told where we were going and what we would be seeing... I was not impressed.  That is until we got there!  It is awesome!!  And I knew that my boys especially would have the stroke out of the century if we ever took them there.  

I have on several occasions wanted to take them, but Frank wanted to be there the 1st time the boys went so it just didn't work out for a long time.

I am glad to say that they did in fact have a stroke... at all of the appropriate times!!

I don't know if you can tell in this pic that the lion is positioned to look as if he is chasing the zebras.  Very cool!!

We had a great time.  Of course, we did have another stroke when it was 
time to go!!!

Check out this picture with the bears climbing up the tree!!

And the moose beside them!

Check out the size of this grizzly bear.  I had no idea how big they were on two legs!

This was cool too.  Its a bobcat eating a turkey!