I don't know many women that don't like a little romance. In fact, one of my favorite things to do before Frank and I got married was watch romantic movies. Or read romantic books (not trashy, I said romantic). Or get totally wrapped up in some characters relationship on TV. So I had all of these "visions" in my head of what it was going to be like once we got married.
And then reality hit.
And then the kids came.
Do you see where I am going? Romance is important in our marriages. And sex (yes, I said it) is one part of it. God talks about it extensively in Song of Solomon. Over time, usually it will become more important to one than the other.
After we had Jackson, things started changing. Well, specifically, my focus (and lack of sleep) started changing. And just like many of you, when the "girls" would get together we would all laugh and joke about our lack of sex and our "poor" husbands. Sex was a tool we could use to get things that we wanted and we could withhold it when we were upset or hurt.
Sex is NOT designed to be used as a bargaining tool. God does not allow us to withhold it without consequences. I Corinthians 7:5 says Stop depriving one another except by agreement for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer, and come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. If we withhold sex from one another, over time it can cause a lack of self-control or may cause us to stray.
Obviously, that is not what God intends for any of us. In fact, what is intended is that we meet our spouses sexual needs. (come on, quit snickering) I Corinthians 7:4 tells us that The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does; and likewise also the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Frank loves this verse, by the way...
I can remember not long after we had changed churches, I was having a conversation on the phone with one of my new friends. We were talking about our men and laughing at their quirks. I made some comment about "withholding", and K just let me have it. I was holding the phone out looking at it, thinking "Who are you? And why am I talking to you again??" But, she just spoke the Word to me. And I needed to hear it.
Things really changed after that. The biggest change was that I stopped rejecting his advances. The "window of opportunity" that we had all joked about never closed. It went a long way in making a difference in our marriage. There was no more "headache" or being too tired-even if I was. Because I realized that it wasn't about ME. It was about him. And my giving to him.
The dare for today says IF AT ALL POSSIBLE, TRY TO INITIATE SEX WITH YOUR SPOUSE TODAY. DO THIS IN A WAY THAT HONORS WHAT YOUR SPOUSE HAS TOLD YOU (OR IMPLIED) ABOUT WHAT THEY NEED FROM YOU SEXUALLY.
Okay, truthfully, I have been snickering through most of this... Sorry. I am really a 4th grader sitting in class... I think I have given you enough information on my part of this and I am certainly NOT going to share details of this. All I will say is, we don't have this problem *wink*