Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Love Dare Day 32

Okay, I am just going to go ahead and let you know that this post will get waaay personal.  Sorry, it is just the nature of the topic at hand.  And Frank, it would do you well just NOT to read this one.  I know you will die a thousand deaths by the end.  Know that I love you :)

I don't know many women that don't like a little romance.  In fact, one of my favorite things to do before Frank and I got married was watch romantic movies.  Or read romantic books (not trashy, I said romantic).  Or get totally wrapped up in some characters relationship on TV.  So I had all of these "visions" in my head of what it was going to be like once we got married.

And then reality hit.

And then the kids came.

Life happened.

Do you see where I am going?  Romance is important in our marriages.  And sex (yes, I said it) is one part of it.  God talks about it extensively in Song of Solomon.  Over time, usually it will become more important to one than the other.

After we had Jackson, things started changing.  Well, specifically, my focus (and lack of sleep) started changing.  And just like many of you, when the "girls" would get together we would all laugh and joke about our lack of sex and our "poor" husbands.  Sex was a tool we could use to get things that we wanted and we could withhold it when we were upset or hurt.

Sex is NOT designed to be used as a bargaining tool.  God does not allow us to withhold it without consequences.  I Corinthians 7:5 says  Stop depriving one another except by agreement for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer, and come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.  If we withhold sex from one another, over time it can cause a lack of self-control or may cause us to stray.

Obviously, that is not what God intends for any of us.  In fact, what is intended is that we meet our spouses sexual needs. (come on, quit snickering)  I Corinthians 7:4 tells us that The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does; and likewise also the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does.  Frank loves this verse, by the way...

I can remember not long after we had changed churches, I was having a conversation on the phone with one of my new friends.  We were talking about our men and laughing at their quirks.  I made some comment about "withholding", and K just let me have it.  I was holding the phone out looking at it, thinking "Who are you? And why am I talking to you again??"  But, she just spoke the Word to me.  And I needed to hear it.

Things really changed after that.  The biggest change was that I stopped rejecting his advances.  The "window of opportunity" that we had all joked about never closed.  It went a long way in making a difference in our marriage.  There was no more "headache" or being too tired-even if I was. Because I realized that it wasn't about ME.  It was about him.  And my giving to him.


Okay, truthfully, I have been snickering through most of this... Sorry.  I am really a 4th grader sitting in class...   I think I have given you enough information on my part of this and I am certainly NOT going to share details of this.  All I will say is, we don't have this problem *wink*


K&R Photography said...

Would you stop it already!! you are killing me with all of these truths!!!!!!!!!!!

And helping me.

I am hoping my new "hot" boots will go over well tonight ;)

Davisix said...

OK Ash...yes, this makes us all snicker and feel a little red-faced but in the end you are SO RIGHT about everything you wrote. What great verses you used. I am guilty of a "headache" and have to pray about this subject a lot..I'm not ashamed to admit. Thank you for this post and for being brave enough to post it. xoxo Ang

He And Me + 3 said...

Way to go! This is a huge discussion in many marriages. Everyone should do the love dare! Great Post

Amanda said...

Well, this actually brought me to tears. Yes, personal info to follow. Better meant for private email and not public comment on someones blog, but Oh WELL.

Since I have been preggers, I have been just TOTALLY not into it. Its been like 2 months. Seriously. My poor hubby must be going crazy. Its not that I say no...he just doesn't ask cause he knows how uncomfortable I am.

So I read your dare and chose to accept it! I will initiate it. I will do it for him Even if I dont feel like it. Cause I love him and I trsut the Word and I think youare right!

Many blessings-

P.S. Feel free to delet my comment if TMI...

Christy said...

What a great one girl! From Jan-May I was in a class in our women's bible study and the class was on this exact subject. It's a mindset in so many ways of simply getting past ourselves as women, and doing as God tells us and obeying!

Great, great, great post!

edie+steve said...

Hard topic....great post...and a big hearty 'amen' . I'm reading 'The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands' and it addresses just these issues. One of the lines in the book (by a husband she interviewed about what men want) said this: "If i'm not horny, make me a sandwich". When we love our men in body and soul, they will slay dragons for us!

CntryMomma said...

I would like to add you as a reader to my private journal but don't know how with your email. Help!


CntryMomma said...

I have conflicting opinions on this issue. If I cannot be 100% into it, call me stubborn, but I'm not gonna do it. Period.

And I have more opinions is your interested. ;o)


Elaine said...

Good job on a tough one to talk about. So right on with the biblical truths.

Aimee said...

Girl Girl...just another example of one that I learned the hard way, and also after the first born. I was sooooo into my baby and just didn't have the time, blah, blah, blah. It is biblical truth. TRUTH! Hear that ladies TRUTH! You can't skirt the truth!

Keli said...

Ok...since we are being so honest with each other..I totally needed this post today! Have you been reading my mind??? Ugh..I'll try to do better!!! Maybe I should go to bed now.... WINK WINK!!! xo

Sarah said...

Great post! Couldn't agree more with everything you wrote.
This is such a common struggle in many marriages. I know I've been there, and occasionally go back there.
Sometimes SLEEP sounds so much more appealing.

Sandy Toes said...

So very true and I am so bad at it....great reminder!!! My first question, I am asking when I go to heaven is why didn't God make men to just want to snuggle..that is it...nothing else..the end??? Hee hee!
-sandy toes

Tammy said...

good stuff!! I can always use this reminder and the verse - well that says it all doesn't it. Thanks again!

Eyeglasses & Endzones said...

Great Post. Thanks for making me realize it too....sometimes I forget. As soon as I am done with my book, I am moving on to the Love Dare..so I will be there soon...until then, I am putting it off...WINK WINK!