Wednesday, October 8, 2008

Love Dare Day 1

If only I had started this yesterday...  It would have saved me a big ole argument last night.  Why can't I just keep my mouth shut and be submissive?  Maybe some duct tape will help!  Arguing over which vehicle to take to a family gathering.  How dumb is that?  He wanted to go in mine; I wanted to go in his.  And of course, it escalated into something totally ridiculous.  And like usual, I had to go back and apologize.  I hate that.

Anyway, today starts the first day of the Love Dare.  In this first day, it's all about patient love. (hmm.  See above paragraph to learn what NOT to do).  No one likes to be around impatient people.  They are rude and thoughtless in action and deed.  Being impatient causes us to overreact (again, see above!) and say or do foolish things that most of the time we end up regretting.  Anger almost NEVER makes things better.  But patience can put the brakes on a problem.  I like the way the book says it: More than biting your lip, more than clapping a hand over your mouth, patience is a deep breath... It is a choice to control your emotions rather than allowing your emotions to control you, and shows discretion instead of RETURNING EVIL FOR EVIL.  When Frank offends me, how often do I snap back instead of taking that deep breath?  Over and over in Proverbs, the Word tells us to be slow to anger and that if you are you have great understanding.  And what a lack of patience will bring.  Patience gives the other person a chance to be what they are... human.  Patience understands that they are going to fail and make mistakes.  And it gives the time necessary to correct it.  More time than is often deserved.

Here is a verse in 1 Thessalonians 5 that shows the approach we SHOULD have with each other.
v 15: See that no one repays another with evil for evil, but always seek after that which is good for one another.

How often do I do the reverse?  More times than I would like to admit.

So today, the first dare is to demonstrae patience and to SAY NOTHING NEGATIVE to Frank at all.AND IF THE TEMPTATION ARISES, CHOOSE NOT TO SAY ANYTHING. What?  Are you kidding me?  Could someone send me that duct tape right about now??  Dear Lord, how I am gonna do that? Well, the bottom line is, I can't.  So, I got on my knees (in my closet so F wouldn't see) and begged God to help me do this. 

And, well, I guess I picked a good day to start, seeing as that it is Wednesday and we had church tonight so there was less of an opportunity for me to screw up!  So, what I am saying is that today was good.  I didn't say anything negative or make the faces that go along with having to be silent about it!!  God broke out the HOLY DUCT TAPE and sealed my mouth.  There were only a couple of times that I started to complain and doing this really made me have to stop and take that deep breath before I answered!!  Hopefully, tomorrow won't be any harder.  Even though I know that each day will bring new and harder circumstances... I never really have one to back down from a dare!! 


Tonya said...


I don't mind sharing about our boys and our "situation" at all.

The very first day was a KILLER. They climbed up in the hospital bed and hugged and kissed Brent before we had to say "good-bye." (Of course at this time he was already gone) I will NEVER forget that as long as I live.

Fast-forward a bit.. We all have our "days," but Gabe seems to be taking it the hardest. It's a little strange because there was FIVE years between them. Brent was always closer to Zach. HOWEVER, A LOT of Gabe's emotion also stems from the fact that he was the "baby" and did a lot of what the youngest siblings do - he made Brent MISERABLE a HUGE portion of the time.

I didn't know back then that I should be disciplining the boys for attitudes as well as disobedience. If I had, I'd have never let things get so out of hand with Gabe & Brent. Now, don't get me wrong, they were "civil" and did love each other. If you have a younger or older sibling you probably know exactly what I'm talking about.

So I think that Gabe is tortured with the fact that he was mean to Brent.. he's told me so many times that he wished he knew Brent was going to die. He was ONLY 6 at the time. We just couldn't tell him that BEFORE it happened. Maybe we should've? We did what we thought was best.

So, overall, the boys are doing well with our life now. They miss their big brother and will tell us often that they do, and that they wish he were still here. They also FULLY UNDERSTAND that Brent is NOT dead - he's ALIVE with CHRIST in HEAVEN! So we've tried to "encourage" them by reminding them that Brent is only AWAY. We will CERTAINLY see him again one day.

For now, it's a day to day process. The boys are happy and playful and seem okay with our life as it is. (As okay as they can be, ya know?)

Oh, one other thing.. Zach & Gabe are BOTH BELIEVERS too! They've BOTH asked JESUS to be their SAVIOR, so I KNOW they KNOW the COMFORTER personally. =-)

Tonya said...

Oh, I enjoyed your "Love Dare Day 1" Post. I've just ordered the book for myself and some friends. I can't wait to read it.

If you like to read, I've got another book that will CHANGE your marriage! (It's COMPLETLY BACKED AND PACKED with scripture) It's called, "Created To Be His Help Meet." It's by Debi Pearl.

I have some extra copies here if you've not read it - I'd love to send you one! (If you want it, email me with your mailing address)

Ashlee , JT. Soph, Shiloh, and Baby Tollett said...

Hey Ashley,

I actually checked out your blog yesterday and thought, "Man she has good taste in music!" It looked my IPOD playlist! Thanks for the advice on feeding...the pooh turned yellow again last night. Must have been something in my diet.

Yes, we love our viszlas. They need MUCH room to run and play. We live on 2 1/2 acres right now (renting)...I am a country girl at heart. Born and raised in Oklahoma where my dad farms. Looks like you guys have an awesome set up!!! I bet the leaves are beautiful right now...

Janine said...

oh man! Yesterday was VERY hard for me! We have to continue the no negative words along with the next step. I think I had so much built up from the first day I thought I would burst. What about the choose to have a "long fuse" statement. Can I purchase one of those? Extra long. I will pray for you guys that are doing this. Please say a prayer for me. I need it. It's not easy!

Jennifer said...

So I am "back tracking" on your blog since this is Day 1 for me. I am wondering why I chose a TUESDAY to start--it's the day the kids are in school and I must be in the office. The mornigns are crazy on Tuesday and I failed at the dare already, yikes.

Toni said...

i am also a backtracker and found this blog when considering doing the love dare... i too never turn down a dare... so here i am on my day one. and i failed bad. fussed at my kids endlessly. ( i didnt think about them in this and should have) and fussed 2 times at hubby. i did not pray well for help in this tomorrw time to ask God to help me. After today i know i cant do this by myself.