Sunday, October 12, 2008

Love Dare Day 5

I live in a house with 3 males. (I'm not counting the non-humans!)  So, if there are others out there who share my circumstances, then you should be able to relate to this topic.  There are a lot of noises that come out of my house. A LOT.  Many varieties.  Have I made myself clear?  Good.  It is very hard around here to teach about manners and for my kids to grasp what rudeness is because, well, boys just have a different... umm, perspective on being rude.

But, through today's dare, I learned that I don't really get it either.  And nothing gets under my skin more than rude people.  Whether it is to the grocery store clerk, or the clerk being rude to someone else.  Mostly me.

Rudeness is unnecessarily saying or doing things that are unpleasant for another person to be around.  To BE rude is to act unbecoming, embarrassing, or irritating.  Well, in that case, it probably describes me a lot around here to my family.  And I don't want to be that, especially for them.

Do you ever do things to your spouse just because you know it will aggravate them?  I do.  Frank HATES to have his toes pulled.  I mean he can't stand it.  He screams and begs for mercy.  So, when he least expects it, I pull them.  And I laugh the whole time I am pulling... hard.  Now, I know you might think like me, that it's just funny.  And I agree.  But, if my desire it to love Frank and to show him that I love him, then I should avoid doing the very things that frustrate him or cause him pain.

The bottom line is that GENUINE love minds its manners!

Have you ever noticed how you feel around those who have good manners and who are just genuine and sincere?  They make you be on your best behavior too.  They raise the expectation of respect around them.  Most of the time, the kind of etiquette we have at home is different than we have with other people.  I could have been yelling at the kids all Sunday morning trying to get everyone out the door for church and Frank and I could have been arguing all the way to church in the car, but once we walk in those doors... it's all smiles and love for other people.

The 2 main reasons we are rude are ignorance and selfishness (there's that word again)  Sometimes even though we KNOW how we should be behaving towards one another, we just don't really see how we treat each other or we are too self-centered to care.

If I am constantly thinking that I wish Frank would stop doing those things that bother me, then I need to stop doing the things that bother him... first!

Today's dare was ASK YOUR SPOUSE TO TELL YOU THREE THINGS THAT CAUSE HIM TO BE UNCOMFORTABLE OR IRRITATED WITH YOU.  YOU MUST DO SO WITHOUT ATTACKING THEM OR JUSTIFYING YOUR BEHAVIOR.

I have to ask this and keep my mouth shut too??  Hold on while I dig for that HDT again!

So, I casually (really it was) asked Frank this on our way to church tonight.  He came up with the first one right off the bat.  And, I really had to fight the urge NOT to say anything.  Because I had a long list of reasons for why I did/did not do whatever irritated or frustrated him.  And believe me, they were GREAT reasons.  I didn't even get to say one of them.  AHHHH!!  

He did have to think for a few minutes to come up with 2 more.  I didn't like those any better, and yes, I had a list for those too.  It is so hard not to say anything.  Then he did what I knew he would, and I thought perhaps I could avoid it by asking my question in the car close to church.  He asked me the same thing.  Crimey!  I didn't want him to ask me that.  This was not supposed to be about his faults.  I tried not to answer.  That just irritated him.  A lot.  So I did name a couple.  I guess it made me feel better since I couldn't refute his irritations about me.

All in all, it wasn't so bad.  And it did make me aware of some things that I need to work on.  Even if I did chew a hole in that duct tape...

5 comments:

momof3darlings said...

I love my darling husband...he reads Proverbs with our boys almost every night to help teach them about wisdom. And made our oldest, 13, memorize a verse in James where it talks about the evil tongue....

Because boys DO have that DIFFERENT perspective...LOL

Enjoyed reading your blog!!

katemcdonald said...

Ashley,

what a good word for a monday morning. I live with one little boy who is already learning to love his "noises" (not even 2 yrs yet!)

Thanks for sharing so honestly...

Janine said...

OH MY!!! Me? Rude? Well I hear ya and feel ya... 3 males in the house.. enough said I know where your going with that. This was hard to swallow for me. I have a bit of an issue with rudeness. I am quick to react and quick to respond in a not so loving way. This is hard. Have I said that everyday? lol

Jennifer said...

I think I will have a glass of wine before asking tomorrow!!! This one is the first dare that seems like a true "Challenge"-yikes.

Toni said...

This was soooo hard for me!!! i dont like to hear bad things about me . finally at 10pm i got up the courage to ask him. and he said their really arent anything. after 12 yrs i got use to things that use to irritate me. he said i was bossy (not shocking) interrupt (that ones hard but true), and i bite my nails.(so true) i can do that!!!