Thursday, October 9, 2008

Love Dare Day 2

Kindness.  It's something that I don't practice often enough within my own marriage.  And it is one of the pillars of a strong, healthy marriage.  Read this from the book: Kindness is love in action.  If patience is how love reacts in order to minimize a negative circumstance, kindness is how love acts to maximize a positive circumstance.  Wow!!!  Kindness is love in action.  This is how I show my spouse that I love them!

We all know people that are kind and have a gentle heart.  I am not talking about doormats.  I mean people that have a genuineness about them.  We want to be around them.  And those in our homes will want to be around us to if we can get a grasp on what this means.

THE LOVE DARE also says, "Kindness makes a husband curious to discover what his wife needs, then motivates him to be the one who steps up and ensures those needs are met- even if his are put on hold."  You mean to tell me that nagging or asking the same things over and over are not the right ways to handle getting Frank to help??  Hmm, go figure!

Kindness drives us to be agreeable.  I don't know about ya'll, but this one is a hard one for me!  Kindness makes us look for reasons to be accommodating to one another and look for ways to compromise, instead of always having to be right or demand our own way. (ouch!)  When we are motivated by kindness, we will see the needs of our spouse, and then act on them... first.  Not waiting on them to go before we do, or requiring them to get their attitude right.

Proverbs 31:26 says, "She opens her mouth in wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue."  I'm not sure I would be rated to high on the kindness scale from Frank most of the time.  How about you?  How do you think your husband would rate you?  Just a thought.

We know that love is NOT based on feeling.  Love shows kindness and thoughtfulness even when it is not reciprocated.

Today, my challenge is IN ADDITION TO SAYING NOTHING NEGATIVE TODAY, DO AT LEAST ONE UNEXPECTED GESTURE AS AN ACT OF KINDNESS.  Here we go again.  God, break out that Holy Duct Tape again.

I almost blew it right out of starting gate this morning.  See, on Thursdays, Frank gets up at 5:00 to get ready to go to Bible Study.  And those of you that have husbands know that for the most part, no matter how hard they try... they can NOT get ready quietly.  Lights are flipping on, shower doors are slamming, change is being scraped off the dresser, keys are being fumbled for, and so on and so on.  Most days I would say, not very nicely, something to the effect of "Could you PLEASE be quiet?"  I thought I was being nice by throwing the please in there.  I wasn't.  In addition to that, it does drive me crazy when he tries to make sure that I am awake before he leaves.  Now, he doesn't do this to be mean.  I have to get up so that Jack can get ready and get on the bus ON TIME!  But, not being a morning person, I usually do not have the most loving and kind attitude when he continues to say "Are you up?" To which I holler "YES"  then he says again "Are you up?"  "Are you sure?"  "Ashley, wake up!"  Now, I am not answering most of the time because I am just hoping it will go away.

But this morning, even though I did better, I still didn't do great!  I did NOT react as ugly as I usually do, but I still snapped.  A couple of times.  But I did catch myself and just decided not to say anything else.  I'm pretty sure the damage had already been done.  So, I did talk to him a little later on in the morning and told him that I was sorry (again) and that I would do better.

For my unexpected gesture, I decided to make the coffee for him.  What? you ask.  In this house, we argued (yes, I did say argued) over who had to make the coffee for a while.  I kept forgetting and by the time I would remember, didn't want to get up to make it.  For some unknown reason, neither one of us wanted to make it.  For Frank, maybe it was a control thing; for me, it was more of a gesture showing that he wanted to do something to take just one little thing off my plate, or something like that!!  And, as rare as it is, I won that one.  Frank makes the coffee.  The last time he asked me to do it, of course, I grumbled and complained about having to do it.  Then a little while later he came in and asked me why I had made a pot of coffee.  I didn't mean to, but after I made it... I turned the pot on.  So, he ended up making a pot anyway.  He doesn't usually ask anymore.  And I didn't want it to be sooo big that he got suspicious.  So, it was either that or ironing.  Huh.  That's a different story!  Never will I choose ironing, for several reasons!

We had to go to a business dinner tonight and this did create several opportunities for me to open-mouth-insert-foot!  Not with the business associates, but with Frank!  I did pretty good!  This whole dare really has me watching what I say and the way that I say it AND with what look I have on my face when I do choose to say or NOT to say something.  We had some good discussions while on our ride to and from the event.  And when we got home, he realized that I had made the coffee!  While he didn't gush all over the place like I would have, I could tell that he was surprised!

We will see what tomorrow holds!


Heather @ Home said...

Hey Ash! Looks like you have been reading my mail, so to speak. I so need to get this book. Richard and I have been married 11 1/2 years (can you believe it?). I am definitely not as kind as I should be to him.

Hey, can you email me ( and let me know when and where playgroup is next week? We are coming to Albany next week for Richard to work the Ag Expo, and I would love to see the SS girls and catch up. It doesn't look like we will be there on a Sunday, so this may be my only chance to see you and the other girls.

Jennifer said...

My act of kindeness is suprising him with his favorite meal--and I even got his MOM to cook it because I couldn't do chili as good as her. He has no clue!!