Monday, October 20, 2008

Love Dare Day 12

I am very fortunate that there are not very many issues that Frank and I disagree on.  In fact, right now, I have a very hard time thinking of any.  That has not always been the case, however.  I mean, don't get me wrong, I'm sure there are lots of little things we don't always agree on as they come up.  But as for major things, just don't really have any right now.

I'm sure that many of you do, though.  And it may be the same issues coming up over and over again.  Stubbornness is a feature that comes standard in many of us, myself included.  I am an only child so I am used to getting my way.  Although Frank is not an only child, he is the only boy, AND he is the youngest, so same thing in my book.  You can see this could present a problem in our relationship and sometimes does.

We all have as part of our natural makeup a need/desire to defend our "rights" and opinions.  This doesn't work in our marriages at all.  While there are times that being stubborn isn't a bad thing, we usually choose to argue and debate over non-essential things if we are honest.

The only way to get beyond these types of situations is to practice the opposite of stubbornness... willingness.  Willingness is an attitude and spirit of cooperation that should fill our conversations.

Consider the example of Jesus in Philippians 2.  As God, He had every "right" to refuse becoming a man.  Yet, he did.  Because he was willing.  He had the "right" to be served.  But, He came to serve instead.  He had the "right" to live in peace but willingly laid down His life for our sins.  He was even willing to endure the horrific torture of the cross for you and me.  He was willing to do His Father's will instead of His own, even though He could.

Frank and I are both very competitive.  And both have a very hard time with not "winning".  I will argue my point even when I know it's not right just so I won't loose.  How dumb is that??  I have already lost the fight by being bullheaded and refusing to listen.  I lost when I made the issue more important than Frank, than my marriage, and more important than Frank's sense of worth EVEN if I am right.

The wise and loving thing to do is NOT to insist on your own way.  Instead of treating your spouse like an enemy or someone to be guarded against, start by treating them as your closest friend.  Give their words full weight.

Are we willing to bend to show that we love our spouse??  Or do we refuse to give in because of our pride? If it doesn't matter in the long run-especially in eternity-then give up your rights and choose to honor the one you love.

Challenge: DEMONSTRATE LOVE BY WILLINGLY CHOOSING TO GIVE IN TO AN AREA OF DISAGREEMENT BETWEEN YOUR AND YOUR SPOUSE.  TELL THEM YOU ARE PUTTING THEIR PREFERENCE FIRST.

As I said before, Frank and I really don't disagree on anything.  If something comes up or I think of something I will come back and update this one.  I am very fortunate on this.  

6 comments:

Flssgrl said...

This is a great post..I agree with much of what you say...I myself am an only child...therefore used to getting my way :) My hubby though is the oldest of 2 boys and in my opinion that works really well as he is used to not getting his way and used to sharing....I will be back to see what else you have to say as well as do some backtracking!

Sandy Toes said...

My husband and I are very competive and that can be good and bad!!!

YES, Sarah Palin does look that good!! She did seem tired at first but she ended with "sparks"!

-Sandy toes

olson1907 said...

I love this post. I am Kim Russell's sister in-law. My husband and I are on day number three today, but i've read day number twelve, just in skimming. You have really good views on this, and i'm interested to continue reading your posts. Thanks for the insight.

Ashley Griffin said...

did you come to see the movie w/kim? i think i may have met you that night! i am glad that you are doing the dare. girl, it.is.haaaard! but keep trying. no matter how many times you trip and fall, get back up!
let me know how yours is going!

Jennifer said...

DARE 11--Put your husband chocie first today--lol--HE wanted to skip the movie. So since we had the sitter, he chose to have dinner! (He still has no clue I am reading the book!)

Jennifer said...

Dare 12: Hmm, like you, we don't have any BIG differences...but we are both "youngest" so we sometimes fight to win the little things.